Today's gospel saw Peter once again in a mixed light:  very anxious to lead but a little light on the follow-through.  A storm has come up and Jesus is walking across the water to the Apostles and cries out - "Fear not, it is I",  And Peter, as only Peter can, cries back - "If its you Lord, call me to come to you."  So He does, and he does, and everything is going well until Peter starts thinking about what he's doing and then he's in trouble,  Jesus reaches down and saves him, chiding "O you of little faith,,,"

I was talking with our priest after church telling him a joke this reminded me of (more on that in a sec) and he pointed out that Peter in many ways didn't lack faith in Christ but rather lacked faith in himself.  Huh - maybe the chiding should have been "O you of little self-confidence..." (this will resurface in a bit)

Ok - so here's the joke:  Two Christians and a non-Christian are in a boat, in the middle of a lake and enjoying a pleasant day fishing.  One of the Christians puts down his pole and says he has to go the bathroom;  immediately, the non-Christian says, "Ok, we can row back to shore"  when the Christian says, "No wait.  As our Lord walked on the water, so will I."  And he steps from the boat and walks across the water to shore and returns a short time later.  The non-Christian is amazed but they continue to fish.  A little while later, the second Christian says that now he needs to go to the bathroom.,  Again, the non-Christian offers to row back and again the Christian says, "No wait.  As our Lord walked on the water, so will I."  And he steps from the boat and walks across the water to shore and returns a short time later.  Once more, the non-Christian is amazed but says little and the three return to fishing.

Now, as time passes, eventually the non-Christian has to go - so he mentions it and both Christians insist on rowing to shore, but the non-Christian says "No way - if you can do it, so can I."  So he steps off the boat and immediately sinks.  While they reach down to save him, the first Christian says to the second - "we really should tell him where the rocks are."

Fr. Michael laughed and as I thought of it more I know that a lot of us have situations in which we think nothing short of a miracle will help:  money problems, health problems, relationship problems, etc.  You're disappointed in your job, kids, parents, spouse, friends, etc.  Nothing is going right.  You're at the end of your rope, line, patience. But, yet, you find some way to persevere - you make it one more day, hour, minute.  You manage to get out of bed in the morning and greet the day even knowing the struggles that lie ahead.  Always moving, mostly forward.

When you find yourself able to move forward, its time to look for and appreciate "your rocks".  Maybe its a kind word from someone you don't even know;  a smile from someone you pass in the hall at work;  a cheery email from a friend.  Some little thing that lets you know someone cares.  And the load lightens a bit. 

And if you can't find any rocks, its time to place the burden on the rock that is Christ.  "Come to me, all you who labor or are heavily burdened and seek rest."  Giving it over to Him enables you to walk a little straighter and keep going much longer than you thought you could. 

Pax vobiscum

My blogging software tells me it has been 145 days since I last blogged - seems longer somehow.  Roughly 5 months - so March timeframe.  Huh.

Anyway, this is a new day and a new beginning.  Change or die - constant change leads to constant growth.  Tigger is change; eeyore is not.

Nothing planned - just some disjointed thoughts.

Was passing by a church today - it had a digital sign to proclaim the good news.  It struck me that even if the money had been donated (with a monthly stipend to cover the electric) that the money could have been better spent.  Not like we're in a recession or anything.

Housing choice influenced by religion - I was also pondering today what things would have been like had we not been committed to sending our kids to Catholic school.,  We might not have ended up in Reynoldsburg or stayed at Christ the King (since St. Pius was a waiting list).  Hmm - scouts might not have happened, Mom's relationships at Pius never formed, Bobbie and I with shorter commutes - bizarre to think about - especially since we are no longer Roman Catholic.

Cutting down a 25 year old tree is hard work - about a third of the way done.

Things are just things - people are the treasures with memories a close second.

Cats are people too.

Aristotle (our cat) never ceases to amaze - a real charmer until his hackles rise.  He loves to be cuddled but prefers Bobbie who is much more sure handed than I.

MTV is 30 years old - I would love to see them go back to the music video format without the attendant crap reality shows - but then again I am old...

Every once in a while experiences live up to the hype - watching Kim watch the Tribe win a ballgame was more fun than watching the game itself - which was a helluva lot of fun.  The fireworks and music after the game was the proverbial icing.

Not much is worse than being out of milk for your cereal, running to the gas station Kwikie mart to grab a pint only to open it up and find out it was PINK - as in Strawberry Milk - 2% no less.  O well, most of it went into a shake with frozen blackberries and chocolate protein powder - yum, yum,  Much better than pink cereal.

Try almond milk - the unsweetened, natural was a bit much and the vanilla is a bit too sweet but mixed with normal fat free milk its not too bad.

Books I've just finished:  Cryoburn - Lois McMaster Bujold; Tiassa - Steven Brust; - both new volumes in long running series by my favorite authors

What I'm reading: Connie Willis - To say nothing of the Dog - humorous ; Xanadu - Jane Yolen, ed. - a collection of short stories from a while ago

Getting ready to sell some comics - a major chore but hopefully it will pay off.

More soon - maybe tomorrow.

Pax vobiscum

This requires a little bit of background.

As many of you know, my mother left me hundreds of books - I'm not even sure I know an exact number - but there are a large number of archive boxes in my basement.  About 30% of these are cookbooks, 30% from a variety of fictional interests and the rest religious in nature.  She was of the habit of wandering book stores based on recommendations and just curiosity and, when she saw something she thought looked interesting (or thought I would think was interesting) she would buy it intending to read or gift it at some future date.

 Many of those dates never came in her lifetime but on occasion, if I'm looking for something, I at times come across one of these "gifts" from my mom.  Which I did about a week ago.  More in a bit.

 Okay, something else I have been doing for all of my working/adult life - I take off Good Friday to pause and reflect - it is now a 33 year tradition that I will continue this year.  But, for the last couple of years I have taken Ash Wednesday off as well - sort of getting Lent off on the right foot.  Again, its a day for reflection and I usually try and find a book to read to help.

 So, this year one of Mom's gifts appeared about a week ago and, since I had heard of the author but not read him, I thought it would be a good book for Ash Wednesday - its "Six Hours One Friday" by Max Lucado,

 To say it was a quick read is an understatement - I started it around 9 this morning and finished it a little while ago and I highly recommend it to anyone needing a spiritual lift - it definitely was that for me.  His main points as he considers that 6 hour period from almost 2000 years ago are:

    My life is not futile.

         My mistakes are not fatal.

              My death is not final.

 

Familiar stories couched in both ancient and contemporary times demonstrate the points and it will be a resource I will return to this Lent based on the included study guide.  It has also gotten me to reserve some more Max at the library.

 So, if you can find the book (its from 1989), please take a few hours and read it - it is definitely, time well spent.

 

Pax vobiscum 

Today is the first day of my 58th year on this sparkling blue & green orb.  Kim's into her 32nd and Bobbie will soon enter double nickels.  3 birthdays in 4 days and the groundhog in between.

We had a nice gathering this weekend with sisters, brothers, nieces and cousins.  Nice time had by all.

Yesterday was a crazy day and ended with Kim's birthday dinner at Abuelo's and, of course, I ate to much and was a little ill last night and this morning.  I also didn't work much today - just a couple of hours.

So my birthday was quiet with several messages from facebook 

This painting is the inspiration for the book in the title of this post.  Consider this a teaser - we're reading and discussing this book at All Saints Episcopal Church this Lent.  Second meeting tomorrow - promises to be a long day.

Enjoy the painting - insights on the way...

Book at Amazon.com:  here
Pax vobiscum

As most of you know if you follow my wife here as well as me, she "resigned" from her job 2 weeks ago.  She was not a good fit with the new management there - square peg and round hole type of fir (yes I know with a hammer and such but its people we're talking here and more importantly my wife).  Anyway, i was sort of happy for her because it wasn't a good fit and she was frusticated and all and probably would have had a shorter life span and - well you get the picture.

Fast forward (or as Monk would say "make tape go forward fast")  to Friday when Bobbie points out to me that 10TV news is reporting that NetJets is cutting 5% of their workforce - wow - I'm a contractor working for Pallas Technology and we have 4 people working at NetJets.  Hmm.  Premonition time - our pastor, Rick (or ir might have been our friends By and Mariah who asked or somebody at church on Sun) - asked me, when talking about Bobbie, "you're job's ok right?"  to which I replied 'I think so".

Well, maybe not.  NetJets has ended our (Pallas') contract effective 9/24 (or 9/25).  We'll do some knowledge transfer until then and may be cur loose sooner.  Problem is - there are four of us coming off the project at once and that's a lot of people to find work for so, it may be (and I have to act as if it is likely) that there will not be any work for me to do in a very short time.  Now, the contracting game can be ok in that regard and you can sit on the bench for a while but not indefinitely and it looks like if they can't come up with something by 10/31 I will be unemployed.  So, like I said, I have to act as if I need a new job and I will start looking - if something comes along, I have a green light to jump on it.

So, that's the story and why a note instead of a short "what's up".  In a lot of ways I look at this as an opportunity and a chance to sit and evaluate where we're at and what's our next step.  Time will tell - in the meantime - yeah, BEER!

Two years ago on this day my mother died.  I took the day off and drove Bobbie to a meeting in Centerville – southwest of Kim in Yellow Springs and southeast of Dayton and North of Fran, John and Becky in Cincinnati.  It’s nice to be surrounded by family today sitting in a coffee shop/bookstore in a Easton look-alike mall in Kettering.  One drawback to the outdoor mall in this weather – you need to remember an umbrella to avoid wet hair and that overall damp feeling.  O well, damp it will be until I dry out sipping my midnight bold blend – nice.

 

There was no way I wanted to sit at home alone today and work – it would have been too depressing.  And, although I’m alone for a couple of hours while Bobbie’s at her meeting, it’s better to be away from the memories.  It also gives me a chance to surprise Kim by joining her and Bobbie for late lunch/dinner later.  Its strange – I’m following my own advice.  A week or so ago, I was talking to Kim and she was saying it had been too hard to come home for Easter because it brought back too many memories – Easter was a big holiday for my mom – probably bigger than Christmas.  So, I told Kim that she shouldn’t be sad alone – that it was better to be with people you loved and who could empathize.

 

She called yesterday at noon – frustrated, upset and irritated.  She’s applying for Graduate School at Case Western and one of her recommendation letters is still not there – after 2 tries, one by fax.  Its over a week since it should be there and she just found out yesterday.  She was mad and hurt that someone would drop the ball.  I got irritated too and mentioned that was one thing that my mom really hated – she always said that if you don’t want to do something just come out and say it – don’t make a promise and then not keep it.  Kim then mentioned that her boss’ partner’s mother is ill and that they were looking at home care alternatives,  She was at a meeting and her boss mentioned it and a board member mentioned he had taken care of his dad at home and Kim talked about taking care of my mom when they were both living with us – Kim was living at home when mom died – and all the challenges it involves.  So, of course with all the frustrations and memories she felt really down and decided to take me up on the offer and called me.  We shared some tears and I was happy she called for a number of reasons – primarily so I could provide some support but also it reminded me to follow my own advice and seek for family companionship today.

 

In the past, I’ve tried to lose myself in work – that succeeds to some extent but when your job involves a lot of thinking time its somewhat difficult to completely avoid the distracting and disturbing thoughts that come unbidden.  I’m not sure that purely physical labor is any better bur, I find that I can “zone out” better doing digging, cutting grass, flipping burgers, etc.  In any case, I’m in a good place and glad to have a family who cares.

 

[Update]  Back at home – had a wonderful time with Kim and Bobbie after the meeting – Kim was really surprised when I walked into her office!  We went to a Peruvian-American restaurant in Yellow Springs – grilled Portobello mushroom sandwich and fries to die for – and then for a quick shopping trip.  Then I did a little catching up on work while watching Mike Golic get waxed for losing the NCAA basketball pool – real side-splitter (I had set the dvr this morning before we left). 

 

All in all a nice, calm and quiet day – I miss you Mom but I know you’d want me to be okay - and thanks to family and friends I am.

 

Pax vobiscum

 

 

After I wrote the Killing Time entry, I came across a passage from House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne that had some relevance - I had once used it as a farewell but there is another point buried withing - emphasis is mine:


"CHRISTOPHER ROBIN was going away. Nobody knew why he was going; nobody knew where he was going; indeed, nobody even knew why he knew that Christopher Robin was going away. ..."

'Then, suddenly again, Christopher Robin, who was Still looking at the world with his chin in his hands, called out "Pooh!"
"Yes?" said Pooh.
"When I'm--when-- Pooh!"
"Yes, Christopher Robin?"
"I'm not going to do Nothing any more."
"Never again?"
"Well, not so much. They don't let you."
Pooh waited for him to go on, but he was silent again.
"Yes, Christopher Robin?" said Pooh helpfully.
"Pooh, when I'm--you know--when I'm not doing Nothing, will you come up here sometimes?"
"Just Me?"
"Yes, Pooh."
"Will you be here too?"
"Yes, Pooh, I will be really. I promise I will be, Pooh."
"That's good," said Pooh.
"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded.
"I promise," he said.
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh's paw.
"Pooh," said Christopher Robin earnestly, "if I--if I'm not quite" he stopped and tried again --". Pooh, whatever happens, you will understand, won't you?"
"Understand what?"
"Oh, nothing." He laughed and jumped to his feet. "Come on!"
"Where?" said Pooh.
"Anywhere," said Christopher Robin.


So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.'

Ah yes, the answer from Pooh and his friend.  Pooh maybe a "bear of very little brain" but he always has a very big heart.

Pax vobiscum

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I'm reading We Agnostics by Bernard Basset, S.J.   Right now, he's talking about waking up one night and realizing how small and insignificant he is with respect to the universe - a universe he inhabits having not being asked to be created and having no way to "de-exist". This experience has led him to some doubt in God and in the meaningfulness of life. How could the God of his youth support his efforts to confront this issue?  But, he is not ready to abandon his faith completely - he just has the doubts of the agnostic in the title.

However, it is not this agnosticism that I want to discuss - rather, there is an offhand comment in the chapter Fright at Night which proved more meaningful to me and spurred me to thought.  Basset talks about his pre-occupation with death and the reading of murder mysteries and how the novelist was teaching his readers to "kill time" in addition to the victims in the novel.  He then expounds on the idea of killing time:

"... when you come to think of it, is a localised form of suicide.  Those with pointless lives, whose rare excitements are linked by a chain of boredom, wantonly kill their life-time when ahead is no more than oblivion and night.Small wonder that the Utopians passed legislation to prevent such suicidal idleness.As Thomas More wrote to Peter Giles at the start of Utopia, 'Amid these occupations that I have named, the day, the month, the year slip away.  When then can we find time to write?  Nor have I spoken of sleep, nor even of food, which for many people takes up as much time as sleep - and sleep takes up almost a half a man's life.' " (p. 38)

Hmm.  This echoes thoughts I've often have.  With so much to do, how do I balance my imperatives (categorical or not) against what can be mindless and mind-numbing pursuits?  Things that are in quadrant 4 of the Stephen Covey grid - not urgent and not important.  Things like video games, television, watching sporting events, daydreaming, reading mysteries or sci-fi or fantasy or romance books.  How much time should I allow myself for these "pleasures"?  What of the things "left undone"?  What of the opportunities missed?  what of the challenges not faced, postponed, ignored, disregarded?  How will I be judged for the time I've killed?

Phew - many thoughts bubbled to the surface from a random paragraph that was perhaps an afterthought in a chapter that deals with so many other important questions.  But, it is definitely one of my scruples (as Basset calls the neurotic urges he finds in himself and his characters) - this need to be always pursuing the "meaningful";  to fill every single minute of life with meaning so as never to have to face what could be the meaninglessness of living, the helplessness of breathing, the inescapable fact that I exist.  

(Aside - as I'm writing this, I am sitting in an unlikely quiet space - the lobby of the Embassy Suites in Dublin, OH where Bobbie is attending a conference - we'll be going to dinner when she's done tonight so there is a restaurant over her that it would be a real trip to try out - the Bonefish Grill - but since she had to be here anyway we're going to give it a try.  I'm a bit disappointed not to have free WiFi here - it would be 14.95 and is just not worth it).  So, I'm sitting at a table in the lobby with a sports bar on my left (really quiet for a sports bar but then it is Sunday afternoon), Chris Isaak falling in love on the Muzak, an indoor waterfall providing gentle ambient noise and the occasional person checking in or asking for info.  Not the bustle one would normally associate with a hotel lobby but again, the day and time have a lot to do with it.)

OK now that the milieu is established, lets get back to the point of this reflection.  Is it ok to "kill time"?  Well, like most ethical dilemmas - it depends.  Relaxation and re-creation are necessary components to a whole and healthy life-style and life-time.  And I don't think God intends us to give ourselves the third degree over every minute of time we spend or "waste" or "kill".  But, on the left, we DO need to consider the amount of time we spend re-creating and ask is there a good coming from the activity.  A balance is needed and important activities should not be put aside or ignored just to get to the next level of a computer game or the next chapter read or the next episode watched of our favorite sit-com.  We are not expected, in my mind at least, to complete cut ourselves off from some of the activities - even during Lent.  Rick in his sermon today mentioned becoming "little monks" during Lent and how that may not really be what God is calling us to do - especially when life has a habit of intruding on our best laid plans and resolutions.  

So, another aspect of our existence that becomes a balancing act - isn't that always the case in life? We struggle to strike a reasonable balance between the should and the want - the must and the maybe - the work and the play (after all, who wants to be "dull") - the light and the dark - the meaningful and the not-so-meaningful.  As we negotiate the tortuous path we can find ourselves on at times, it never hurts to ask for some help to keep steady - from God, from family, from friends and from ourselves.  Because, if what we are doing when "killing time" does bother us, then that just might be the red flag that's being raised to prick our conscience and cause us to ask, "Is this what I should be doing?  Is this helping my long term good or should I find something else to do with this time?:  Time is precious and, once spent, cannot be recovered.  We need to spend it wisely and look for ways to not carry things too far in either direction - too scrupulous or too wanton.

(Aside 2 - dinner was exceptional - we shared a crab cake appetizer, then corn chowder, shrimp with scallops entrée for me, and salad and trout for Bobbie - very nice)

Pax vobiscum